In Caracas, Venezuela, the Caracas City Council has purchased three surveillance UAV's to be used by police to patrol the city. These UAV's are special because they're miniature dirigibles with the phrase "we watch over you for your security" printed in huge letters on the side. While we at Google Bordello generally disapprove of creepy orwellian blimps looking in your window at night, some kind of police measure seems warranted in this case. According to the particular BBC news article providing information on this story, Caracas is the world leader in gun crime deaths; of course, the "gun" modifier leaves us wondering what the world capital of overall crime deaths is. Police refer to these dirigibles as "zeppelins" specifically instead of "blimps" or "UAVs" which seems unfortunate given Venezuela's history of harboring nazi fugitives. These blimps are 49 feet long, and are supposedly remote controlled. Personally, we speculate that they might also be set to follow GPS guidance along a specific patrol route each day.

The Google Bordello (no-name hole in the wall that we are) would like to issue a challenge: Any ninja willing to sneak aboard one of these UAV's will be the first person in the world to hijack properly a UAV, turning it into a manned air vehicle, the first ever such hijacking in history. This is possible because UAV's are a recent invention and until now, none have been able to properly support human weight. Though a predator drone, for example, might be able to tow the weight of a man, it would be so tricky as to be less of a ninja move and more of a suicide attempt. Of course, this particular course of action is one of the riskiest things one might attempt; because the UAVs are blimps, they're able to spend long amounts of time on-station. Latching climbing equipment onto a blimp when it's on the ground might be comparatively easy, but without a proper method of control, ninjas on a blimp could be left without any way down. Control could be achieved by hacking the blimp's remote control interface, spoofing GPS signals (provided the blimp has a GPS system), or through a cable connection port in the UAV's hardware, provided one exists. One might also consider a parachute rigged for base-jumping, but this could prove useless if the blimp remains too low to achieve a safe landing with the parachute but too high to fall without serious injury. Ninjas willing to carry large amounts of rope (in addition to the rope required to lasso the blimp in the first place) could perhaps slide down that rope, if it were long enough. It's possible to pack quite a lot of 550-test parachute cord into a small container, but sliding down 200+ feet of parachute cord seems absurdly risky, even for a ninja. Of course, the easiest way of getting down while on a surveillance blimp would be by spraypainting or otherwise foaming the camera lenses, rendering them unusable until cleaned. They would then have to land in order for the police to clean their lenses, but this is still not guaranteed; these blimps seem to serve more of a deterrant value, so the police may not consider cleaning their lenses a priority. Also, the hijacker would have to land in a police facility, which has obvious disadvantages.


The underside of the UAV.

Note: We use the noun ninja specifically because anyone willing to ride a hijacked UAV would be a ninja by definition.